Loosening My Grip

Or, how serial publishing is giving me a new perspective

Sunday, I shared the first two chapters of KINGS OF THE NEW WORLD on my Patreon, and yesterday I shared chapter three. You can start reading here if you want (it’s free). As per usual with me (read here and here for more), the timing was off. Even though I felt like I was braced enough for the election results, I wasn’t.

As I detailed here, KINGS OF THE NEW WORLD was inspired by an article I read, but the main characters’ emotional struggles to find their voices and correct course of actions were born out of my own response to understand how we had elected a conman to the presidency in 2016. I did not have to dig deep to find the anger, confusion, disillusionment, or hopelessness then.

It is surreal to be back here again: both with my characters and with the political landscape somehow worse.

I am not equipped to comment on the election and certainly not an expert voice, but I also cannot power on as if something huge and ugly hasn’t happened. This article made me feel marginally less hopeless and powerless, and in the age of misinformation, I would rather pass on quality content created by folks who have made it their life’s work to study these things.

When I started the project to serialize a previously shelved manuscript, I committed myself to share what I learn along the way, in case anyone else will find my lessons helpful to their own endeavors and as an exercise in (forced) self-reflection through the process. It is impossible for that self-reflection not to be colored by the surrounding times.

First, there was guilt…

First, I felt guilty publishing the first two chapters so shortly after the election. Yes, I made the plan to do it (I really thought we’d be celebrating our first female president and the end of the chaos). Yes, I promoted it with one post-election post. And I am proud that I did not abandon myself, but it felt…tone deaf? And yet, people read my work. They said nice things about it. There are over twenty folks who read it. I mean, I was reading a book, too, so why shouldn’t I have expected that other people would want to be reading? Why the guilt? This is one moment of imposter syndrome that I may never be able to unravel.

Next, there was empowerment…

Second, I felt empowered. And that has been something during this period of post-election disassociation¹. All this time while querying, the power to share my work with readers has seemed to exist outside of my control. Querying means willfully handing that power over to the machine of traditional publishing without any promise that the machine will see me or reciprocate the love and attention and effort I have placed in it.

So, I want to talk about this second bit of feeling empowered and how I can feel my relationship towards my dream of traditional publishing morphing into something much more flexible. I encountered two critical pieces of content in the days since I published the first two chapters that have helped me even more: 

• This reel from Amie McNee, in which she reminds us that we don’t need “them” (as in the gatekeepers) but rather they need us, the artists; and

• Erin Bowman’s most recent newsletter, in which she details several challenges she has faced, and reading it reaffirmed for me that perseverance is simply not enough to guarantee anything in the fickle world of publishing.

The part where I nervously explore my relationship with querying

I started this journey towards traditional publishing with the mindset that if I persevered, I would eventually, inevitably get published. You know that saying? A professional author is an amateur who didn’t quit. Something like that. Well, I believed–past tense–this would be true. I have learned, from being tapped into this community for long enough, that it may not always work out like that. The industry is not a meritocracy, and no one can deny that perfect timing and good luck are involved in every initial success. Those are factors that are simply outside of our control, and any “successful”² author who says otherwise is lying first and foremost to themselves. I get it. Who wants to believe that their success is at least partially based on luck? That would make it seem so…random and out of control. Well, guess what? I’m pretty sure it is. I’m pretty sure life is. And, look, I’m not saying that it only comes down to luck and timing. The writing has to be there first. I’m saying that of the—I don’t know, insert random number please—manuscripts that have reached that quality bar, the manuscripts that make it across the finish line have often done so because of the right timing and good luck.

But I remain squarely stuck between wanting the whole system of seeking permission from the gatekeepers to burn versus wanting my “dream” to play out the way it has been scripted in my head. And before I go any further down this path, I need to express that I am not knocking anyone. I really, truly do understand the literary agents’ role in this industry, and I understand and wholly appreciate the value of gatekeepers. For the agents, of course they need to be fairly certain they will sell the book—or at the very least have a clear vision of how to get it sales ready—in order to take it on. They work for free until they make the sale. They are gambling with their income every time they take on a new client. I know I would not be brave enough to make this my livelihood.

Likewise, I understand why imprints want agented manuscripts. They would never get a single book published if they had to sift through the slush piles themselves. They need trustworthy, competent book people (and, at the end of the day, we’re all book people!) to make those matches. The whole setup makes sense from the perspective of wanting the most marketable books on the shelves; I’m just fairly confident that excellent books are stuck on harddrives all over the world because of bad timing. We know this is true because of the stories³ of self-published books that go on to get traditional deals for their authors.

Bucking the system

I have found it to be very freeing to buck the system–especially right now, where it feels like all the systems are already broken or on the verge of collapse (not just book-related systems). As I work through the minor revisions⁴ on KINGS OF THE NEW WORLD, I’m finding that I have to pause and reflect on resistance I feel about certain changes. A prime example is a short flashback in chapter one that I always loved and felt was critical insight into why Sophie and Troy are together but keeping it secret. The trouble with it, back when I was querying this manuscript, was that it pushed the first chapter beyond nine pages, and a literary agent I met with told me that I must have Mason (the second POV) show up in my first ten pages. That agent no longer works in the industry⁵.

As I reworked chapter one a tiny bit, the GLEE that I felt getting to add that flashback back into the text was pretty tremendous—but only after I reminded myself (repeatedly) that readers do not actually care how many pages they have to read before the second POV as long as it doesn’t drag. If you’ve read chapter one, I hope you agree that it does not drag because I can barely trust my own instincts about this writing mess at this point. Which figures. After querying three projects (the current being my fourth), it is so hard to hear the tiny voice of my inner artist whispering to me. You see, while tossing queries out into the ether, we are counting on someone else’s instinct to guide the way, some other person to see something worthy in our work based on their gut instincts about publishing, writing, stories, whatever. 

This entire experiment for me with KINGS OF THE NEW WORLD is, I hope, building my own comfort with letting go of the rigid “trad pub” dream in case self-pubbing becomes the more joyful option. 

In the gray area

But, to be clear, I don’t think it has to be a black-and-white scenario. I am still in the query trenches. I sent one this week. The project I’m currently querying is, I believe, my best writing yet. Plus, I think it has a strong enough commercial hook to get the right kind of attention. To learn more about it, check out this little promo page I made for easy sharing. I have a young adult sci-fi that I casually query, sending out one or two queries every once in a while when I see an agent who might be interested. Why? Because right now, sci-fi in young adult isn’t moving. That’s a business and market issue that has nothing to do with the quality of my writing or my story. When sci-fi is back on the upswing, if I don’t already have an agent, I think it could be the one; it’s only a matter of timing and luck. However, why should I have to press pause on my writing while I wait? 

I am loosening my grip on the dream of traditional publishing. It is not the only path, and, lately, pursuit of traditional publishing via seeking literary representation has contributed to the overwhelming sense that my life is forever being tossed into other people’s hands like a dizzying game of hot potato. If I can claw back a little of my power through an exploration of alternative publishing models, why shouldn’t I? We can all have both if we’re brave enough. Hybrid careers are real. Hybrid careers are real. Maybe this is my new mantra?

Entertaining Distractions

I finished the second book in the Emily Wilde series. Highly recommend. Five stars. I also read A Sorceress Comes to Call by T. Kingfisher. Once again, I will read anything T. Kingfisher writes. She has such a gift for mixing high stakes with humorous vibes while still holding onto the emotional resonance. It’s truly a gift. So, I also highly recommend A Sorceress Comes to Call. I mean, take this quote for example: “I was not expecting this house party to involve quite so much premeditated murder.” What more do you need?

Quick side note: I don’t actually rate books ever. I either give them five stars and recommend them to people or I never speak of them at all. It seems like bad form to rate another author’s book when I hope that they will be my colleagues some day. 

I am still totally enthralled with Outer Banks and making slow progress because a lot of life stuff has been interfering with my five times a week biking habit. Though, due to a medical procedure⁶ recently, I spent about six hours finishing The Crown, season 2. It kept me entertained enough, but I’m not dying to start season 3.

Words of Wisdom

I was looking for some words of wisdom to help assuage my guilt about moving forward with publishing my serial despite the election of a felon⁷, and I found two quotes. These words helped me, so maybe they will help you, too.

“This is precisely the time when artists go to work. There is no time for despair, no place for self-pity, no need for silence, no room for fear. We speak, we write…That is how civilizations heal.” ~ Toni Morrison

“Creativity is an act of defiance.” ~ Twyla Tharp

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I would love to hear your thoughts about any of this in the comments.

Until next time,

1. I recall watching the results from Florida roll in and fully disassociated from the situation to the point that I looked at my husband and oldest son and told them that I could feel myself separating from my body. I don’t know that I’ve fully returned yet.

2. I have to use the quotes on successful because we each define this differently.

3. I would love to provide examples beyond The Martian and 50 Shades of Grey because I know they exist, but I am never going to finish this newsletter if I keep going down those rabbit holes. I welcome anyone who has examples to throw them into the comments for inspiration!

4. Made a revision late Wednesday night on Chapter Three because I felt that I could infuse it with just a little more politically-charged angst.

5. Don’t get me started on the fluidity of this business.

6. Unfortunately, that medical procedure, which should have been a one-time thing, has resulted in more medical procedures. Please send good thoughts my way as I navigate some potentially complicated health situations.

7. and a raptist, and a racist, and and and and… I don’t want to give it any more space.