Six Months Off The 'Gram
why I took a six-month break off social media, what I did, and why I'm still returning
On December 12, I posted on my Instagram account that I would be taking a hiatus. On December 17, I deleted the app. How long was I planning to stay away? Until mid-February I mused. Mid-February came and went, and I had no desire to return.
Disconnecting was so much easier than I ever thought it would be. Shockingly easy. It turns out that I do not want 90% of what the apps feed me, and I need none of it.
I give myself credit for making one very smart move before deleting the app: in my hiatus announcement post (how melodramatic), I asked people to comment if they wanted to stay in touch. My big fear was losing the meaningful connections my years on the ‘gram had fostered. People commented! That group and I chat on a private Slack channel daily (you know who you are 🥰) . Isn’t that what the “social” media and “connectivity” promised? Not rando pics of people whose lives viewed at a distance become a subconscious measuring stick.
Why did I go on hiatus? Did “something” happen?
Yes and no. In order for this to make sense, I have to explain a fun little quirk about me. I am the kind of person who works nonstop and then gets sick the minute I have a day off. I'm sure you know people like this, or maybe you're one of us?
Leading up to my hiatus, many things had been going on in my life. Private things that were, honestly, tearing me apart—a tragic accident that killed a family member, another family member’s death by suicide shortly after, a significant illness in my immediate family1, and all the more mundane concerns of being a working mom in pursuit of a creative life. Oh, and returning to the query trenches.
If that sounds like a lot… well, yeah. We’re now in recovery mode. In fact, when I made my melodramatic hiatus post, we were headed towards recovery mode. For the first time in about 18 months, I had the sense that the light at the end of the tunnel was not, in fact, a train on its way to run me and my kids over.
So you might think if we were headed to better times, why not keep on, share the journey, it’s about to be sunshine and rainbows again, right? Eh, not so much. I could feel my own personal crash coming.
My need for hiatus was born out of the constant undercurrent of panicky stress that had become the baseline for my life. “Keeping up” on socials was an easy distraction that definitely quenched the need to “do something” without really being able to exercise any control over what was happening in my life. Plus, social media had in my mind become inextricably wound up with “writing” even though those are entirely different pursuits. I could worry about theming my content, fiddle around with Canva, research social media strategies--all under the guise of meaningful productivity and the elusive control I was craving.
Plus, every time I shared something online, I was keenly aware of the hot mess lurking “just outside the picture frame” (so to speak). That incongruence caused me even more friction. To be clear, I have no intention of divulging the details any more than I have here, but presenting myself and my life while leaving so many big things out can sometimes feel like lying, and I value my integrity. That’s a hard needle to thread, isn’t it?2 Being authentic without oversharing. It is for me, and I didn’t want to deal with it. I wanted a break.
So why am I coming back?
I genuinely started missing parts of social media. New connections. Getting updates first person. Learning about new opportunities in my creative pursuits. Let's not forget funny videos and memes. It helps that I enjoy creating posts and reels because it’s an incredibly low stakes chance for me to be creative.
Besides, I haven’t quit the pursuit of my creative dreams. My hiatus and the corner turned in my personal life gave me the space to finish the draft of the horror3 I’ve been working on for what feels like a decade. I paused querying my fantasy for a good chunk of time starting before the hiatus and right up to March. Then I started again and have had some good luck that I hope turns into a different kind of announcement, but I know better than to put too much energy into that particular hope bucket. I have another manuscript (not the horror) ready to jump into the trenches if no one picks me up after the fantasy, and I am excited to shape the horror into the book I know it can be through my revisions. There’s a lot about this part of my life that I am eager to share (commiserate) about.
Even as I contemplate reentering the social media hell landscape, I have my doubts about the level of my engagement. I'm adding this paragraph two days after the first draft because I logged back into my account to make sure that I had not lost access. I scrolled for a few seconds and was immediately confronted with a TikTok published as a Reel. The woman was heavily filtered4 and pretending to be speaking casually into the camera about pre-orders and book sales and "all her followers" and "if the algorithm worked properly"... that's as far as I got. Instead of scrolling to the next thing, I closed the app. The next day I logged in again. Within a few seconds, a news story popped into my feed that dredged up horrible memories. Again, I closed the app. It’s a lot of messy, frenetic, meaningless noise out there, and I need to do some culling within the accounts I follow.
It all begs the question: why do I need to consume any of this? In my house, with my kids, we talk about using consumer energy versus creator energy. We don’t have a strong anti-consumer stance; it's nice to sit back and consume some well-written television5, but it's important to consume quality content. I hope to add quality content whenever I decide to add. (Oh, and copious bird content--you know you miss them.) For balance, I hope I've strengthened my boundaries and will close the app before the mindless scroll begins.
As far as this Substack goes, I am giving myself permission to write here whenever I have a longer form message to share, like an old school blog6. If you’re interested in this kind of thing, I’m grateful for your attention. If you’re not, no hard feelings at all!
If you're still reading, feel free to ask me anything about the last six months in the comments below.
Everyone is on the mend now!
This could probably be another long-form post as well, but I don’t feel like I have any answers–only gut feelings.
It’s actually a young adult historical paranormal/fantasy romance mystery horror. There are many genres mashed into it, which could explain why it has taken me forever to weave it all together.
I have a lot of thoughts about filters. I don’t mind the silly, obvious, playful filters, but I take serious issue with the filters designed to trick others about the reality of your appearance. None of this helps us. But give me a filter with a funny hat or something like that, and I’m in.
I will definitely have to craft up another long-form post about the many quality television shows I’ve consumed during my hiatus. I have thoughts and feelings aplenty!
Is retro still a good thing? I have no idea. Six months without being inundated with trends is liberating.